His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
