Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize