i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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