Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
