Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
