There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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