Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
