she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
