I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My feet surprised me
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