Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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