Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
