hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
