his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
