she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
