i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
