What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
