did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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