I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
