my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's rum buckets o'clock
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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