They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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