so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
