You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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