I think scott just propositioned me for sex
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
