i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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