why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
