Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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