I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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