Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.

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(251): View more from Alabama

i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.

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(848): View more from New Jersey

Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand

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(248): View more from Michigan

today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much

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(636): View more from Missouri

The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.

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(618): View more from Illinois

Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?

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(585): View more from New York

He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.

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(705): View more from Ontario

Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE

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