I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
