jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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