If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
