Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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