So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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