I could make wine with my vomit
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
