just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize