Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The struggles of a small town man whore
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
