When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Come share oat with me in your robe
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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