tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
