Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
