That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
