i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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