she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
