Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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