I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
