i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
