My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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