I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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