I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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