I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
