I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
im on a boat
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