Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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