sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
