I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Small penises have feelings too.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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