I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
