We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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