elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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