Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize