I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
