Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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