I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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