Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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