So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just cropdusted the office
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
