You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so let's talk penis.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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