Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
