I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
