On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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