that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
