Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
