he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
