you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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